For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed a series of tweets in which I panicked about having kids. Let me assure you, the panic has not subsided. Neither has the excitement. Today as I’m sitting here doing homework and trying to get work done, I’ve just been thinking more about the idea of having kids. What would change in my life? How would I have to change? Am I ready? Can I get ready? Am I going to screw up my kids completely and have to live with the fact that I failed them spectacularly? What if they end up like me? I really don’t want that to happen. Should we be doing this at all?
Fear and Trembling
I believe that if you’re smart, you should be afraid of having kids. Not being afraid of having kids is either ignorance or arrogance. It is the biggest undertaking anyone can ever take in their life. I think it is also one of the most rewarding. While I am nervous about it (still panicking), I am also excited and honored that I could possibly be a parent.
Do you think God felt nervous to become a father? I’m inclined to think that God’s emotions were particularly complicated and conflicted. He knew that Jesus would suffer and die. He also knew that this didn’t have to happen. Anything that God could have done to save our sins would have sufficed. Not only was the sacrifice of God’s son voluntary, but it was avoidable.
For Christian parents, there are echoes of their experiences in God’s decisions. Parents know that their children will suffer and that there will be no way they can stop it. Unlike God, there is nothing parents can do to stop their kids from suffering and being unhappy. It is a good thing, then, that we are not God. No doubt, we would have found any other way other than allowing our son to suffer.
At this point in conversations with myself on the topic of children, I have to ask myself this question:
I believe religiously that there is a Doctor Who quote for every occasion. At this point, the Doctor’s answer to this question is perfect.
We cannot shield our children (or anyone else we love) from sadness and pain. But we can do our best to help them be happy at other times. Hopefully, the Atheist Wife and I will be able to do that for our kids – help them be happy as much as they can.
The Privilege of Accidents
This is a rambling post that is really just personal and not really focused. This is just a topic that has been foremost in my mind for the alst couple of days. There is just one more thing that I’ve been thinking about and it’s one that actually makes me quite sad.
There is no way that I can give my wife the children she wants so dearly. I can’t tell you how many times we have talked about that, but I don’t know if she understands how much it gets to me. There are a lot of reasons why it sucks, not the least of which is how much pregnancy might help with her health problems. But mostly… mostly there’s a lot more to it.
I know that straight people take a lot of care to not get pregnant. I don’t blame them. It’s only responsible. At the same time, I envy them their care. Accidents become a privilege when you realize they can’t ever happen to you.
I apologize for such a lame duck post. Sometimes there are just too many thoughts for me to make something coherent. Prayer is always good, guys. I definitely feel like I could use some right now.