Will You Drink With Your Ancestors In Valhalla?

Guys, I have so much I could blog about right now. I’m reading Beyond Religion by the Dalai Lama and it is blowing my mind. Australia has launched its biggest counter-terror operation inside the country, in the very city where I live, and it is concerning (there seems to be a lot of racial/religious profiling going into the thing). I worked out soooo much yesterday and it felt wonderful! I’m becoming a housewife (don’t tell my mother). But the best thing, THE BEST THING that has happened in the last two days has been a pamphlet titled “Will You Drink With Your Ancestors In Valhalla?”

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Soapboxers

My wife takes the train into the heart of the city (which we call the CBD or Central Business District) everyday for work. On her way there is a tunnel from the platform to the street which goes on for, oh, I guess a hundred yards or so. Everyday, so she tells me, there are people shouting and handing out pamphlets for religious evangelizing. Mostly they seem to be evangelical Christians or Jehovah’s Witnesses and they show up regular as clockwork. I have personally not seen them since I do not go into the city except late in the day or on weekends. Oftentimes, the Atheist Wife has questions for me about something they said and we have a lively discussion over dinner.

But yesterday she was really excited as she handed me a black and white piece of paper folded in three. This was “Will You Drink With Your Ancestors In Valhalla?” and her first question was, “Is this serious?” I burst out laughing because, of course, it is not serious. It is a spoof of all the religious “nuts” who shout at commuters all morning.

And it is the best thing I’ve read in a long time.

The Best Bits

I won’t type up the whole thing (though it would be so fun to do so), but I will highlight the best bits for y’all, just so you have something to chuckle at on your Thursday/Friday. I’ll post some pictures of the thing, too, with a link to a bigger version (if I can figure out how) if you want to read the whole thing. But here are my favorite parts:

“Odin sits in Asgard, worry etched into every line of His ancient face at what He sees. He sees a world ruled by greed and self-obsession. He sees people committing atrocities against one another in the name of their faiths. He sees brother hurting brother, mother spurning child, neighbour hating neighbour. He sees that Big Brother has been renewed for another season. These things distress and displease the Allfather.”

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Commitment to stated goals: Odin keeps his promises. While other gods have promised peace on Earth or an end to world hunger, Odin promised an end to ice giants. I don’t know about you, but I don’t see many ice giants around.”

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Value for faith: Odin is just the head of a whole posse of awesome gods. Believe in Him, and you’ll automatically believe in at least 5 more additional deities for no additional cost!

Now, this pamphlet was not entirely satire. It also included a rather nuanced indictment of the world’s theistic religions and their requirements on people. I won’t include the full text, but this is its conclusion:

“So do not waste time praying. Instead, go live your life; fight for your right to exist; and leave this world better than you found it. Live this life as if there is no other; for only then will you have an eternity in paradise.”

Finally, it ends with a rather sarcastic suggestion.

“Approve of this message? Want to fight to make the world a better place? Donate your time or money to a worthy charity. Example: cancercouncil.com.au/donate”

Overall, I thought this pamphlet was awesome and hilarious. Scoring for religious satire: 10 out of 10.

For anyone who doesn’t know who Odin is
Pics:

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