Day 2: A Bad Week & An Unexpected Change

It’s more than man-flu, really. But this was too funny not to use.

This week has been tough. I have neither been able to function at my usual intellectual level or even my usual low-level physicality. I am simply drained. I have not lived up to my promises this week. And now I need to face up to it.

When I started the new “My Life Change Diary” effort, I made two promises. I was going to work out every day this week and go and check out a gym. It’s Thursday and I haven’t done either.

I am so disappointed in myself. I feel pretty down about the fact that this week has not gone the way I wanted it to go. I’ve been sick, tired and I haven’t worked out or even really gone out of the house. I haven’t even felt up to working or blogging like I usually do. Because I want to be honest with this life change business, I have to tell the truth. I have failed this week.

The question is now: what am I going to do about it?

The old me, the one I need to change, would wallow in self recrimination. I want to do that now. I really do. It’s easier to just whine and cry and then not do anything to fix it. I can’t keep doing that. I need to be better than that. I don’t want to be like that anymore.

I’ve realized this last fact slowly over the course of today. When I started out changing my life, I thought it was just going to be about exercise and making healthy food choices. It is so much more than that. It’s an all around change. If I’m going to change my physical self, my mental and spiritual self also has to change. I can’t separate the two.

I almost reached that realization on Monday when I wrote about finding a balance between writing about intellectual stuff and writing about my fitness. I know now that that issue I was thinking about was tied up in an all around need to change. Coming to that conclusion now is a bit like a punch to the face. And it feels so good!

Now that I understand the need to work on my attitude just as much as my body, things feel a bit clearer. I still feel like absolute shit because of this cold, but that’s not going to get me down. This isn’t the end of my changes, it’s just the beginning. If I got everything right the first time, there wouldn’t be any need for me to change at all. I just need to keep going. So that’s what I’m going to do.


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