Day 4: In Which I Am Not Homer Simpson

I share quite a few qualities with Homer Simpson. Overweight, inclined to eat a lot, a wife who is too hot for me, I once rode a skateboard over Springfield Gorge… okay, I didn’t do that last one, that was Homer. But there are a lot of times when my wife and I are watching The Simpsons and we share the look that says, “That’s totally you.” I freely admit that it happens and that it is all true.

But today I’m not quite as much of a Homer Simpson as I was yesterday. I’ve started changing myself, making myself into something better, someone I’m proud of being. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do, but it’s worth it. After all, it’s for the right reasons: my wife, our future and me.

Today I did my first workout at the box. Was it crossfit? I won’t say that. It was a step towards doing crossfit, though, and I can’t believe I did as well as I did. A ten minute workout comprised of

  • 5 Burpees
  • 10 squats
  • 15 sit ups
  • 5 calorie airdyne bike
  • Repeat until ten minutes are up.

To be honest, I haven’t moved that much since before college. As a complete layabout (meaning I am sitting or laying down for about 23 hours a day and I’m not kidding), I was proud I did one round of this. I was chuffed when I did two rounds. And when I finished my third round right on the buzzer, I was freaking elated! It wasn’t pretty, but I did it.

Would Homer Simpson do that? Probably not. Or he might, but it would be for laughs and would only last for one 30-minute episode.

The box was awesome! The people were awesome! I had way too much fun. I even got to talk about politics! (You know how much I love politics, guys.) I’m going back on Monday for the first intro class. I expect to experience more ass-kicking.

Having said all this, I want to take a moment to appreciate the good parts about Homer Simpson and, by extension, myself.

We love our families and would do anything for them. Like when Homer worked two jobs in order to pay for Lisa’s pony.

He falls asleep because he’s working so much.

He never stops trying. Really, this doesn’t need an example. Every single episode is him trying, just like every day I’m trying.

He always dreams big. In The Simpsons Movie his dream is to move to Alaska. And he does! I moved to Australia. That’s pretty big.

He’s also very loyal to those he loves. Like the episode where the country singer Lurleen falls for him and wants to sleep with him, but he loves Marge too much to do that. I don’t have a similar experience. But it doesn’t matter.

Look. It doesn’t matter what you look like, how many burpees you can do or how fit you are. What matters are the qualities that can’t be quantified in reps, sets or weight. I’m not Homer Simpson. But there are things he does that I want to do. Love, loyalty, an unending willingness to try (or at least 20 seasons worth of trying) – these are qualities anyone can admire. I know I do.

You go, Homer. You’re pretty awesome.


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